This misogyny can range from the insidious to the explicitly vile and provocative—as Breitbart columnist Milo Yiannopoulos recently demonstrated in an essay on feminism, where he describes women as "the unfuckable feminist fag hags who have for so long ridden on our tastefully embroidered coat-tails." Last November, actress and singer Rose McGowan discussed the misogyny she experienced from gay men in the media, saying "Gay men are as misogynistic as straight men, if not more so. I have an indictment of the gay community right now, I'm actually really upset with them."
In her 1995 pamphlet Lesbophobia: Gay Men and Misogyny, writer Megan Radclyffe notes that many lesbians left the GLF by 1971, citing original member Janet Dixon's belief that "in the end, once again, women were servicing men, women were raising the consciousness…[and] were giving their energy to men."Historically, lesbian activism was indistinguishable from feminism; after all, liberation for queer women required the dismantling of gender roles and family structures that oppressed all women. For former GLF members like Dixon, it became clear that some gay men were pursuing a form of liberation that created licence for their sexual preferences, at no expense to their social position as men under patriarchy.Male homosexuality has multiple histories—of course, it was largely demonized by Western Judeo-Christian society as a sexual deviation from the correct gender role for men. Yet there are also other narratives, molded on the romantic and eroticized notion of male bonding in Classical Greece, which was viewed in Homeric poetry as more important than relations with women. This parallel history is visible in the celebration of male beauty in Renaissance art, through to the writings of Walter Pater, a 19th century critic who wrote extensively on the aesthetics of male beauty and 'friendship.'"When the split occurred between the women and the men in the movement… the gay men became more isolated into the new ghetto. After this, much of the serious questioning of gender roles disappeared… The male gay movement, instead of challenging and confronting sexism, became increasingly defensive."
In fact, belief in the inherent superiority of gay men over women has been present since the 19th century. Dr Solomon points to Edward Carpenter, an early socialist defender of homosexuality. He believed that men who desired men "were not 'effeminate,' but rather combined qualities that made them the best drivers of social progress." Carpenter argued that male Uranians (as he called homosexuals) perfectly combined male forthrightness with female emotional sensitivity.I've seen the social heritage of this idea in my work as a lawyer, where intake at the bottom end of the profession is evenly split on gender. At the top, only 24 percent of partners in British commercial firms are women. In contrast, law firms such as Freshfields and Simmons & Simmons, are among the most praised by LGBT organizations like Stonewall UK for being gay-friendly and having the most number of gay assistant lawyers and partners.In certain corporate spheres, gay men are advancing further and faster than their female colleagues. It's perhaps unsurprising if they prefer to present less challenges to the gendered status quo; they may even reinforce male-centred ways of working that don't consider ongoing barriers affecting women, such as childcare or maternity leave.When I was younger a lot of gay men would touch me inappropriately and say, 'It doesn't count because I'm gay!'
"When I was younger a lot of gay men would touch me inappropriately and say, 'It doesn't count because I'm gay!' Yeah, it still counts because I'm still a person who deserves respect," Victoria Sin says. I tell her that I often hear off-handed remarks like, "Vaginas are disgusting, I don't know how anyone could have sex with one," and Sin agrees. "If I mention my period, I have gay friends say, 'Ewww, stop that's disgusting!' No, it's my body and it's not disgusting." This, I would suggest, also comes from a lazy, thoughtless assertion of gay men's sexual identity—but to assert you love dick doesn't mean you have to feign disgust at women and their bodies. It's as offensive as it is ridiculous: After all, calling vaginas gross is pretty rich coming from people who have anal sex.The gay 'scene,' if such a thing exists, also displays signs of institutional issues with women. "When I went to G-A-Y [a club in London], I was told, as a femme-presenting woman, that I was 'not a member'—whatever that means—while my male friends, all read as gay, were greeted with open arms," Berlin-based writer Josie Thaddeus-Johns told me. "This was before I identified as bi, so it's also sad to think that women who might not be ready for labels have to deal with being gay-policed before even entering a queer space… A male-dominated and run party is basically telling me, a woman, how to present myself in order to 'fit.'"A male-dominated and run party is basically telling me, a woman, how to present myself in order to 'fit.'
"Gay men don't realize that if they say, 'Don't meet me looking too feminine,' they are asking you to pretend to be someone else in order to gratify their sexual preferences," Shy Charles adds. "A gay man once told me the fact I didn't bulk up and cut my hair was a 'waste'—that by not looking conventionally masculine, I was 'wasting' myself. Like my main purpose in life was to be attractive to people like him, and I just needed some guidance! As if how I look is some kind of accident."Some gay men don't just feel entitled to police the appearance of non-binary or femme-presenting queers in romantic or sexual contexts—they also do so readily when it comes to women, particularly women in the media. The frequent 'celebration' of female pop icons is most in danger of greenlighting a sense of entitlement about 'critiquing' women more generally, especially on typically sexist criteria like their weight or physical beauty. While women in the media may not have to be sexually attractive to gay men, there is still a widespread expectation for them to look glamorous, effortless, and "iconic"—an unrealistic and idealized demand for powerful, flawless womanhood.I've heard white gay men joking about having a 'strong black woman' inside of them… It's not flattering.
But Jenner's effective performance of acceptable femininity in her coming out did not reflect most trans women's experience of transitioning. Trans actress and model Hari Nef noted this in an interview with The Coveteur, remarking, "People see trans as presentational, hence inauthentic; people see trans bodies as 'inauthentic' in themselves. Even if I'm wearing a baggy sweatshirt and pajama pants, it's still 'Yaaaaas!' and 'Slay!' from the peanut gallery."It's important that gay male allegiance with Jenner and her non-famous trans sisters goes beyond a mere aesthetic appreciation of their bravery and cosmetic 'success,' and towards a realization that all female bodies are not up for review, critique, or consumption. For trans women, their bodies are the site of a cultural war—and one that kills an increasing number of people.Nick Adams, the director of Programs in Transgender Media at GLAAD, has worked on the representation of trans issues in mainstream American media for 17 years. Nick is himself trans, and a gay man. "It's impossible to establish a scientific-style correlation between the increased visibility of trans women in the media and the rise in number of trans women killed in the US," he says, "but we need to be aware of the possibility. In 2015 thus far, 20 women or gender non-conforming people have been murdered, more than last year."Adams remains optimistic about the gay male community's political support for trans people, pointing out the landmarks achieved in recent years for trans representation, and the increasing impact of online activism and communication. "If you look at the widespread, angry reaction to the recent Roland Emmerich movie, Stonewall, which foregrounded a white cis gay man in the story instead of Martha P. Johnson, the real life trans woman of color—you can see gay men's understanding of this is growing, which is positive."It is positive, but to progress further is always to examine critically what can be done better. Homophobia is not misogyny's sibling; it is his son. Patriarchy hates gay men because they behave sexually "like women," it hates lesbianism because lesbians are women who "refuse" to fuck men, and it hates trans people who call bullshit on so many of its supposed truths.We are all harmed by patriarchy, but in many contexts gay men are the ones best placed to be seduced into conspiring with it. Calls to such conspiracy are insidious and often imperceptible within masculinity itself. Therefore, listening to the voices—and complaints—of women, femme gays, and trans non-binary people is crucial for all gay men. Otherwise, they may find that a world in which a fragile liberation, bought at the expense of others, is in fact a confusing and contradictory world—with no real liberation at all.Update: This article was amended to reflect the author's transition.We are all harmed by patriarchy, but in many contexts gay men are the ones best placed to be seduced into conspiring with it.