How to Handle Unemployment: Tips From People Who've Been There

This article originally appeared on VICE Netherlands.

When my contract wasn't renewed at my previous job, I wasn't too concerned at first. I worked in PR at a photography museum in Amsterdam, and I assumed I’d find work again within a month or two. But that outlook turned out to be quite optimistic.

I sent out hundreds of applications, only to face rejection after rejection. And with each one of them, I began to doubt myself more and more. I realised how significant my job was to me. It defined me – I belonged somewhere. When I lost that, I lost a part of myself.

What I found particularly challenging during my workless days, too, was finding a new purpose, a new rhythm independent from work. I kept seeing friends advancing in their careers, while I was at home living off unemployment benefits. This made me feel like a failure at times. 

“People naturally feel the need to contribute and have structure,” says Dutch psychologist and parental coach Valerie Ritchie. “Having a job aligns well with that.” Besides its monetary benefits, work also has important social functions. “Many people derive part of their identity from the work they do,” Ritchie continues. “If that suddenly goes away, what do you talk about? If you pay attention, our conversations often revolve around work.”

“In the beginning, it felt like a vacation,” says 31-year-old Marielle (who asked for her name to be anonymised for privacy, like others in this piece) about the time she lost her job as a visual merchandiser for a kids fashion and lifestyle brand. The first weekend, Marielle planned to go out to different parties. But soon enough, she began to struggle to fill her days. “I'm a busy bee and a morning person,” she says, “but waking up early suddenly seemed like a bad idea because then I had to get through such a large part of the day.”

Maintaining a routine has also been challenging for Iris, 28, ever since she became unemployed. Iris is a social worker in addiction care, but had to stop working due to psychological and medical reasons. “I try to be strict with myself, I set an alarm every day so I don't stay in bed,” she says. “It sounds strange, but I actually have too much time to cry and feel panicked.”

Although having the whole day ahead of you can feel intimidating, Ritchie believes getting up in the morning is still the best thing to do. “Staying in bed all day only reinforces feelings of uselessness,” she says. “Schedule a specific time to look for work, but also see if you can exercise or go for a walk. Setting up a daily routine for yourself is always good.”

A period of unemployment can also give you the opportunity to explore where you can find a sense of purpose outside of work, Ritchie adds. “Consider whether you can do something for someone else, a family member or a friend,” she continues. “Also, if you have time, you could volunteer. Perhaps you can even find volunteer work in the field where you're seeking employment – that immediately increases your chances of finding a job.”

Beyond the practical advice, it's important you realise you’re not “just your job”, says Ritchie. “It's understandable that you derive part of your identity from your work, but you are much more than that,” she adds. “You can make a list of what else you are, what you're good at, and what you do. And talk to others, they might provide insights into that as well.”

If you don’t necessarily need a job to feel useful, you do unfortunately need one for money. Usually, unemployment benefits will provide you with a bit of a cushion, but you’ll have to take quite a pay cut from what you’re used to. Marielle shares that her friends initially didn't fully get this. “They were pretty relaxed when I lost my job. They kept saying, ‘That sucks, but you get unemployment, right?’” she says.

The problem is, Marielle lives in Amsterdam, one of the most expensive cities in Europe. “I consciously choose to spend more than half of my salary for rent because I want to be in this city,” she says. “But with this pay cut,  there's very little left. Fortunately, I have a boyfriend who can say, 'I'll cover it,' from time to time, but I absolutely don't want to be dependent on him.”

Financial worries can be a huge source of stress as an unemployed person. Although it might be tempting to take just any job offered to you – and realistically, you simply might have to – waiting for the right opportunity is still worthwhile to avoid finding yourself stuck in another bad situation. “You can take a temporary job, but make sure you allocate enough time to search and apply for the jobs you genuinely desire,” Ritchie advises.

The job seeking process can be absolutely miserable, especially due to the frequent rejections. You might have recurring thoughts that you’re worthless or undesirable. But these thoughts “only make things harder for yourself”, according to Ritchie.

The right strategy here is to allow these feelings to come and go, while also remaining positive. “Have compassion for yourself, especially if you're deeply disappointed after being rejected for a job,” Ritchie says. “Give yourself a few days to recover. Do something enjoyable and discuss it with people close to you.”

If after endless job applications you still think you’re not getting anywhere, it might be a good idea to broaden your horizons and explore other options. “If you start doubting the direction you’re looking at, pause and reflect on that feeling,” she explains. “Ask yourself: Are there other things I'm good at or enjoy? Then reach out to someone doing that kind of work – you can learn a lot from them.”

We often learn that careers should follow a linear, upward trajectory, that this is the key to success. But in reality, the work you’ll do over your lifetime can take many different paths, with peaks and valleys. “Plenty of people realise at some point they no longer want to pursue the direction they chose years ago. You're not alone in that,” Ritchie says.

After a few years of work, you might also realise that your life is incompatible with the demands of your sector, or with regular working hours. That was the case for Iris, for instance, who’s afraid she may not be able to handle a full workweek due to a severe lung illness. After reducing her working hours, she also had an accident that left her with a concussion. Since then, she’s been experiencing panic attacks and insomnia. 

“It's a vicious circle because I don’t sleep well, and therefore experience more stress and panic attacks. And because of that, I sleep poorly again,” she says. Eventually, she got too sick to keep her job. But recently, on advice from her occupational doctor, she’s been able to volunteer about ten hours a week. “I'm very happy I can gradually build it up this way,” she says. “I want to work again, but I also need boundaries.”

As for Marielle, she found a job after five months of trying. Looking back, she thinks her unemployment wasn’t completely bad, as she learned to better manage her money. “I make different choices now,” she says. “If I can stick to that, maybe I can start saving again and becoming financially independent in the future.”

After I lost my job, it took me eight months to find another one. With each rejection, I learned to handle it a bit better – no matter how difficult it was. Deep down, I kept believing that something better would come my way, and eventually it did. I’m very happy with my work now, and I’m proud I managed to stick it out through the tough times.