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NFL Dos and Don'ts: Minnesota Vikings

The Minnesota Vikings are still playing in a college football stadium while they wait for their new publicly funded home. Somehow, that's still not a Don't.

As we prepare for another year of NFL football, let's take a look back at the highs and lows from 2014 for each team. Welcome to NFL Dos and Don'ts. If you missed one, you can read all our recaps right here.

The Minnesota Vikings will play one more season on a college field before moving into their choice new $1-billion-plus digs at U.S. Bank Stadium, half of which will be publicly funded. That's despicable, but even worse is the name: U.S. Bank Stadium. Is this the least imaginative naming rights winner of all time? "Can't wait to go see my Vikings at a stadium named after a bank named after the country."

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U.S. Bank Stadium. It's so fucking NFL in 2015, too—just another branch of Corporate America. If there is something plainer than vanilla, but also comes with stacks and stacks and briefcases of cash, let's slap that shit on our stadiums.

How in the hell do you call this thing U.S. Bank Stadium? It looks like the Louvre had sex with the Skuldelev ships and they slapped an Adrian Peterson Fathead on it. It should be called Preikestolen, or Preikestolen Presented by Netflix, or something. "U.S. Bank Stadium." Pfft.

Do

One trash team's Don't is another's Do. The Minnesota Vikings had the good fortune of the playing the New York Jets last season and, boy, did that work out for them. They won the game in overtime on an 87-yard screen pass, but it was the very first play from scrimmage that set the tone. Geno Smith dropped back with mere seconds of game clock elapsed and connected with Gerald Hodges for a quick seven points for Minnesota.

It's a truism in the NFL: you Do want to play teams that are more hapless than you, and you want to do it as often as possible. It's the only way for subpar teams to give their fans the vague flicker of false hope.

Don't

This one seems pretty self-explanatory. Maybe Don't throw yourself a lavish 30th birthday party with an Arabian Nights theme with actual camels and shit after you haven't played in a season because you beat your kids. Birthday parties are for kids; switches aren't. You are doing everything completely backwards and wrong. Don't.