Posting Your 'Best Life' Online is The Newest Break-Up Revenge

Who remembers the break-up body? Pictures of Khloe Kardashian on the beach showing off her very-much-absolutely-real-ass, Jennifer Aniston looking taught and tanned after her Brad-era disastrously ended, heck even flash photos of Lady Diana’s iconic 90s “revenge dress,” have been plastered across pages of magazines or on gossip-sites for decades. 

The 2000s zeroed in on this idea that your body was a tool that should be utilised in punishing your ex. It might be getting fitter or slimmer, it might be tanning, it might be a new haircut or questionable blonde highlights (although anyone with break-up bangs knows that starting your single-life with a DIY haircut isn't always a great move.) 

The stereotype is that if you’re looking good after the fall of your relationship, your ex will be filled with regret, jealousy and an immediate desire to have you back in their arms.

Given the break-up body was often skinny, exposed and aided by expensive treatments, it’s clear to see its fatphobic and classist roots. Let's not even get into the sexism.

Thankfully, Gen-Z has somewhat moved on from this idea. In 2023, most people with more than a few brain cells are moving on from rigidly outlined beauty standards and aren’t bound to the limited early 2000s ideas of what is and isn’t attractive.

Post-break up revenge is still built into our cultural consciousness. And for a generation that doesn’t give a shit about trashy mags, platforms like Instagram become the dominant media choice.

Social media provides a platform where we are the performers and the audience. Everyone’s watching you, or could be watching you, which creates a need in many people to make their lives look as fulfilled, successful and happy as possible. Being too vulnerable, too realistic, too honest might invite pity rather than admiration from your avid followers. People can deny it as much as they like, but at the heart of it, most of us are conscious of how we’re presenting our lives online – or we wouldn’t be presenting it at all. 

Depending on your motivations, this drive to share your life’s high points can enter tricky territory. Unless you live in the same flat or halls, or share a work environment, the place that you’re most likely to see or be seen by your ex is on social media. That makes it the perfect place to post every story and video and carousel showing that you’re “living your best life” after your break-up. Revenge posting is about you. Sharing yourself, at your best, with the world and most importantly with your ex. 

It's not as obviously malicious as exposing someone in screenshots or sending embarrassing pictures to friends, but it’s insidious in nature – because rather like the break-up body, it’s about showing your ex what they’re missing and how well you’re doing. At its core it's trying to say, “I’m better than you.” 

Everyone wants to be perceived as doing well after a break-up, but at the root of it, why do we care? Being perceived as having “lost” or “won” a break-up is an idea we need to shake. Real people’s emotions are on the line and winning and losing is a trivial thing to boil it down to. Besides, the reality is, the issues that seem so massive in your own world don’t really mean shit to anyone else. Kanoa from your business studies lecture isn’t catching up on your daily online activity thinking, “shit, they look so happy now. How embarrassing for their ex!”  

We’re so driven by self-obsession that sometimes we forget our life isn’t a story or a show. It’s not built for an audience, so stop performing like it is. 

As long as you have support where you need it and the love of whānau or friends in your real life, is it really that important what other people think? 

If you’re motivated by knowing, or wanting, an ex to see what you’re up to or how you look, then are you really getting over it? Healthy break-ups take effort and an awareness of when your own behaviour is teetering into harmful territory. So do yourself a favour and leave the “my life is better than yours” revenge narrative in the 2000s. 

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Rachel Barker is a writer / producer at VICE NZ in Aotearoa. You can find her @rachellydiab on IG and Letterboxd and see her film criticism on Youtube.