The Ex-Wife of a Southern Pastor Is Writing Bold Erotica for Christians

As a former youth grouper who has experienced the strong sexual tension of church camp firsthand, I was intrigued when I came across the Twitter profile of DiShan Washington, which reads "Creator of Christian Erotica."

Washington became a pastor's wife at the age of 17 in her hometown of Valley, Alabama. She comes from multiple generations of pastors and pastors' wives. The rules of the church were her world until, at age 30, her marriage ended.

Growing up, she had been told that even wearing a thong was a sin. These days, she has a pole for dancing installed in her home, and has made a film on sexual education for couples called Let's Get It On.

While there are several places that Christians turn for sexual inspiration, including Michael Scott's Christian erotic books, blogs like Christian Nymphos, and some holy texts, Washington has made the genre her own with her no-nonsense voice, her full embrace of female sexuality, and her belief in the power of open communication.

Washington published her first Christian erotica book, Diary of a Mad First Lady, in 2010. Since then, she's written three more books in the genre: The Preacher's Wifey, Let's Get It On, and the sequel to her first, Diary of a Mad First Lady 2. Her first novel was optioned by a production company a few years ago and has a tentative Memorial Day 2016 release. She has also appeared on the TLC show The Sisterhood as a Christian "sexpert." Being a sexually confident woman in the world comes with enough flack—but doing so in a deeply religious community can take serious guts. I had the pleasure of speaking with Washington about Christian erotica and what its meant for the sex lives of readers who grew up, like her, thinking that sexual exploration was a sin.

VICE: How did you start writing Christian erotica?
DiShan Washington: Growing up in southern Alabama, becoming a writer wasn't a traditional or popular career path. I was encouraged to get a higher paying job, so I only did my writing on the side. But the love of storytelling never left me, so I started writing books.

In 2007, I met my mentor and godmother, Victoria Christopher Murray. She's the author of about 20 romance novels. She took me under her wing and said "DiShan, I think you have a raw talent and I think you need to study it." That's when I wrote the first version of Diary of a Mad First Lady. It's since been picked up by a production company, and it's an Essence best-selling book that's been on their Top 50 list for five years now. That was the beginning of my professional career as an author.

What inspired you to start writing Christian erotica?
In 2011, when my marriage was coming to an end, Victoria [Murray] said she was starting a site and looking for different stories. She wanted to see if I would be a contributing writer. I said "Of course," but then I said, "Something came to me the other night in a dream: Christian erotica." She said, "What in the world are you talking about? You can't have Christian erotica." And I said "Yeah, I know, sounds crazy." That was the beginning of my exploration of the Christian erotica theme. I never expected it to blow up the way it has.

I wrote a chapter and sent it to her and she said, "DiShan, you're onto something. I'm still trying to figure out how I can read this chapter, without any foul language or anything graphic that would make me uncomfortable, and yet I'm aroused, I'm turned on. How did you do that?" Just that question made me want to write more.

How do you do that? Your writing seems like such a far departure from your upbringing.
I was married for 15 years to a pastor. My dad and my mom are currently pastors. My grandfather is a retired pastor. Nobody ever talked to me about sex. I became a pastor's wife at 17, and that was all I knew. Nobody ever talked to me about the physical, intimate, passionate side to marriage. I attempted to take the church into the bedroom, and I failed miserably.

By the time I decided I wanted to step my game up in the bedroom and become more of what we call a "freak in the sheets," it was already too late. What started out as just an interesting story turned into a movement. When I realized that my marriage wasn't going to last, I decided to champion the cause of saving marriages by educating women in particular—and some men—about what eroticism really is and how we can tap into that side of ourselves in our marriages and cut down on the high divorce rate among Christians right now.

What do you feel resonates with readers about the books that you write? Who do you consider to be your target demographic?
The one compliment that I get from my readers is that I'm very transparent. I keep it real. My books are faith-based, so obviously I write toward a Christian demographic, primarily women, though I have some men who do read my books. I think when people read the synopsis of my books, they see something that piques their interest.

As far as the Christian erotica part of it is concerned, my books definitely resonate with women—church women particularly—because there's no one standing up being the voice of sexually oppressed women in the church. Nobody talks about it.

I'm sure your work resonates with younger Christians who may not have people to talk to about sex. Do you feel like attitudes are changing with younger generations?
Absolutely. But here's the thing: It's good and it's bad. We're becoming more open-minded to having the conversation, but younger Christians are saying "Look, I'm going to do what I want to do regardless of whether anybody likes it or not." It's almost like a rebellion to some degree, because nobody will have the conversation with them.

What was it like for you growing up?
I just remember that I was only taught what I couldn't do. I was taught by the church mothers where I'm from that wearing a thong was a sin, and that's ludicrous. You have someone like myself who grew up struggling with what's right and what's wrong. I thought oral sex was wrong. The first time my husband and I participated in oral sex, I remember saying "If that, what we did, was wrong, then I'm going straight to hell because I'm doing it again."

That's pretty understandable.
We both agreed that if we had to keep [oral sex] a secret, then fine. That's where the problem comes in. You're so concerned about what people are going to say and how they're going to perceive you, that you keep quiet instead of saying, "Look guys, let's talk about the experience we had with oral sex. Let's go to the Bible and see if there really is conclusive information that oral sex is wrong… That's nowhere in the Bible."

When I had that moment where everything went from black and white to color, when I first had oral sex, I should have been able to talk to somebody and say, "Hey, guess what, this happened between me and my husband, and we've come to the conclusion that there's nothing wrong with it." Think about how many marriages could have been set free by being open and transparent about it.

How did you become comfortable with your own sexuality?
It came from me knowing that my marriage was ending. I was desperate to find a way to save my marriage because I was so spiritual that I was always being the pastor's wife, but I wasn't being a wife at home. I didn't know how to separate the two. The crumbling of my marriage is what [caused me] to look at what the problem really was. I realized we had sexual problems.

So what did you do about it?
The first thing I did was take a pole dancing class. I'll never forget the first time the instructor came around and said "Everyone has to come up with a pole name. We're not using anyone's government name in here." She came to me and, because my name starts with a D, I said Diamond. She said "No, that's already been used by a stripper in a movie called The Players Club. Come up with something else." For whatever reason, I said "Dangerous." And I totally embodied that. I stepped outside of myself and forgot about the fact that I was a pastor's wife, forgot about who my dad and mom were, or what everybody would think, and I thought about who I wanted to become. I got addicted to pole classes, so much so that I purchased a pole and put it in my house.That was the first time I became aware of myself as a free-spirited woman.

How did that experience impact you?
From there I started reading books and researching different ways to please my husband with role playing and outfits. I changed my image, too. I went from a Plain Jane-looking woman to a glamorous diva walking into a room and wanting everyone to turn their heads and look at me.

Although my marriage ended, it taught me a great lesson and that's why I have such a passion for educating and bringing the subject out for other women who may be in my same situation. Maybe it's not the same situation; I've had women write me and say "I was molested as a child, and now I have problems with having sex because I have these images that come back up," or I have women who say "I've had issues with my self esteem." I had a lady write me on Facebook and say "I've been married for 24 years and my husband just seems to have lost interest in me. I need something to help me revive the passion. We've lost sexual intimacy, and how can I feel connected again?" These are the type of messages I get that, to me, make what I do worthwhile. I'm not gonna judge anybody. I like to make people feel like I'm their best girlfriend, who they've known for 20 years.

Check out DiShan Washington's books.

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