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A lot of people spent a lot of time thinking about 9/11 this weekend, but you were too busy getting 9/11'd to notice.

Lots of People Spent a Lot of Time Thinking About the 9/11 Attacks

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It's been ten years since 9/11 and the anniversary was marked in America by a huge festival of sadness.

Four separate minute's silences were held on Sunday at 8.46AM and 9.03AM (the times the planes struck the towers) and at 9.37AM and 10.03AM (the times the towers collapsed).

At a ceremony at the Ground Zero site, the names of the dead were read out in alphbetical order and the President recited passages from The Bible.

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For the first time, Obama was out in public with George Bush. They appeared behind bullet-proof glass screens.

Obama also turned up with his wife at ceremonies in Pennsylvania and at the Pentagon, Vice-President Joe Biden giving a speech at the latter in which he said 9/11 had created a "new generation of patriots".

Paul Simon played "The Sounds Of Silence" and people played bagpipes and sung the national anthem.

In London, everyone was so caught up in what the date was that no one knew the Thames Festival was happening.

Quite a lot of people got scared because they thought the gigantic firework finale was a load of bombs going off.

Pussies and idiots on the internet complained.

Some other stuff happened this weekend. Wanna find out what it was? Go to page two.

Slaves Were Freed in Leighton Buzzard

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Police found 24 men who were being kept as slaves on a caravan site in Leighton Buzzard, Bedfordshire.

It's thought that the men lived in shitty conditions, ate hardly any food and did 12 hours of hard labour a day.

"This was a recruitment centre where people down on their luck were brought to," said Detective Chief Inspector Sean O'Neil. "They had been found in soup kitchens and benefit offices and told they would be given work, clothing, a home and food.

"These were people who might be alcoholics or have no family support.

"We heard in one case a man had been sitting on the parapet of a bridge ready to commit suicide when he was spotted by this gang and brought here to the site after being promised paid work and a roof over his head.

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"It was all lies."

No shit. The newly freed men are a mix of Greek, Polish, Russian and British, are aged between 20 and 50, and police think that some of them have been living in captivity for 15 years.

If they didn't do the jobs they were told to do – which included asphalting peoples' drives – they were beaten. Amazingly, the gangmaster could face a maximum of seven years in jail.

Seems a bit lenient, no?

Are There Many American Paedophiles in Bahrain?

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If Michael Jackson had been found guilty of fucking kids, his family would have tried to put him on a private jet to Bahrain.

There is no extradition treaty between the US and the Arab kingdom.

The dead singer's brother Jermaine revealed the getaway plan in an interview with the Times.

"If they were going to sit and crucify my brother for something that he didn't do, America deserves us not to come back here," he said.

"At the end of the day, this is supposed to be the land of the brave, home of the free, democracy, freedom of speech."

I'm not sure how any of those things justify flying a paedophile to a foreign country so he can avoid the consequences of his actions.

Not that we're saying Jackson was a kiddyfiddler – he was acquitted in the child abuse trial in 2005.

His brother sounds like a real prick, though.

We're Currently in the Midst of a Devastating Hurricane

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Did you hear? Look out the window – we're currently in the middle of our very own hurricane!

She's called "Katia". I'm writing this Sunday night, so I don't know what she's like yet.

I hope you're all still alive by the time you're reading this.

MAC HACKETT