To Whom It May Concern: You Can Order a Barrel of Lube on Amazon

Hey freak-a-leaks. Do you feel like no matter how often you buy lube, it’s just never enough? Are you tired of smashing the order button (again and again), along with smashing your own noggin into the wall? I’m here to let you know that your prayers have finally been answered from the lords of lubrication over at a wildly popular lube brand called Lube Life. 

Perusing Amazon to up your lube supply? You might notice that Lube Life not only has insanely good ratings, but it also offers insanely huge quantities. More than just providing a wide variety of lube (with a sense of humor), the brand wants you to take “subscribe and save” to the stratosphere, providing shoppers with the ability to shop its original water-based lubricant in bulk (and we mean bulk). Snag a 7,040-ounce barrel for your upcoming orgy, bootcamp workout, or slip n’ slide. For context, that’s equal to 880 8-ounce bottles of lube, so you never have to say the words, “honey, we're out of lube, just spit on it” again. 

If that weren’t enough, the amazing makers of Lube Life even offer a 275-gallon pallet of lube with an easy pour spout—perfect for chucking in the back of your pickup and driving to that swingers retreat you’re embarking on in a couple weeks. 

So why do people love this stuff so much they want to fill swimming pools with it, and how can you be certain you’re going to be happy with this all-in purchase? Gaze upon the cold hard facts. Not only is this water-based formula hypoallergenic and unscented, it’s also compatible with most toy materials—including natural rubber latex, polyurethane, and polyisoprene condoms. There are thousands of ecstatic reviews about this lube ( quite a few reference pancakes?); one 5-star reviewer wrote, “if you're not a two pump chump, like to engage in extraordinary mind blowing, toe curling sessions, [without] her asking ‘did you use pancake syrup as lube?’ Save this lube for those who want a silky feeling of moisture that is UNREAL.” 

That review makes it sound like this lube is un-syrup-like, or not too sticky. But maybe you’re into sex that’s like a delicious breakfast spread? Well that’s cool too, because another seriously satisfied reviewer wrote that the “slickness and viscosity is great. Not watery and not too thick. Flows easy like warm maple syrup on freshly made pancakes.” (Now we’re hungry and horny?) 

No matter what you decide to pour Lube Life’s lube on, most reviewers comment that a little bit goes a long way, making it all the more puzzling that it’s so popular in huge bulk quantities. In other words, unless you’re busy in the bedroom (or have a pancake syrup kink?), if you go in on the barrel size, you may never have to buy lube again. 

Other things the brand endorses you doing with their lube: skydiving, fishing, water sliding, and watching movies, of course. Because being properly lubricated isn't a phase, it’s a lifestyle. 

Buy an obnoxiously large supply of Lube Life at Amazon. 

The Rec Room staff independently selected all of the stuff featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations, and red-hot deals?Sign up for our newsletter.