How Conversion Therapy Flourishes Despite Bans

The first time Sarah tried to tell her parents she was actually a girl, not a boy, her father beat her with a leather belt strap. She was 5 years old. It was the 1960s and corporal punishment was a relatively accepted form of parental discipline. Growing up attending a hardline Baptist church in Edmonton, Alberta, she had never known or even seen a transgender person, and being anything but a “man’s man” was unfathomable.  

“I was taught that something was wrong with me, that I was wrong,” said Sarah, who is being identified under a pseudonym over fear of backlash from her family and the religious right. “But this feeling that I was female persisted, and I could not get rid of it.”

Decades later in 2004, Sarah was 42 and had hit her lowest point. She had been fired from her job and never felt more alone. She also continued to struggle with her gender identity in secret, living publicly as a man, and dressing in women’s clothes when no one was around.

“I thought if I could get rid of this part of me, then maybe life would be better,” she said.

Sarah said she asked her brother for help, not telling him the entire story, just that she was having “sexual issues.” She said he recommended she attend a workshop on sex and sexuality at Ellel Ministries, a non-denominational Christian “personal prayer” ministry that was founded in England in 1986 and has since expanded to more than 20 countries including the U.S. and Canada. In Canada, Ellel Ministries is a registered charity with branches in Ontario and Alberta that have operated since 1993 and 2000 respectively. 

Ellel offers “healing” courses on a variety of topics ranging in length from a day or a weekend to months-long residential programs for people looking to change their lives. “It's not the weird or wacky picture of healing that some people have—just basic discipleship,” states Ellel’s Western Canada webpage. Over the next several months, Sarah attended workshops and courses through Ellel in Alberta and in the U.K. She said the workshop in Alberta involved Ellel councillors constantly laying hands on her and praying in an attempt to “cast out spirits of homosexuality, transsexuality,” a common practice among ultra-conservative evangelicals who believe that being LGBTQ and any sexual activity outside heterosexual marriage is grounds for being damned to hell. 

Though she didn’t realize it at the time, Sarah now describes what she went through with Ellel as a form of conversion therapy, the unscientific practice of trying to suppress or change someone’s sexual orientation or gender identity from LGBTQ to heterosexual and/or cisgender. And she’s advocating that the practice, and the programs she took through Ellel, to be prohibited, even for adults who would willingly participate in it as she did.

“That really messed me up. I don't think that they should be able to be teaching stuff like that,” Sarah said. “It would be very good that people know about what's happening in these religious circles.”

No one from Ellel Ministries in Canada or the U.K. responded to VICE World News’ repeated requests for comment on the allegations in this story. 

Though Ellel does not appear to explicitly support conversion therapy practices, some publicly available materials on its website provide a glimpse into the organization’s views regarding “homosexual relationships.” A “teaching article” on Ellel’s website authored by international director Peter Horrobin states that “sexual sin, be it before marriage, after marriage, in homosexual relationships, or even with animals is defined as being adulterous” and that “(m)y prayer is that as people begin to understand, they will find themselves on a road to restoration and healing."

Ellel and other similar groups don’t explicitly state they offer or support conversion therapy—many will even condemn the practice. Rather, many use more subtle language describing what they do when it comes to providing support or counselling to LGBTQ people, making it nearly impossible to discern the exact scope of the practice, let alone fully regulate it. Many of these religious groups reject the idea that their work could be conversion therapy, saying that they are helping people explore their sexuality and gender identity in line with Biblical principles. Sarah’s experience, for example, wouldn’t be prohibited under Canada’s  proposed federal ban because she was of age and wasn’t forced to be there. Her experience raises questions about how exactly Canadian law enforcement will be able to deal with the practice when aspects of it become a federal crime. 

In addition to other previously documented groups, VICE World News has identified 10 more groups in Canada and international groups offering services and counselling to Canadians that seek to change people’s sexual orientation and gender identity into heterosexual and cisgender, or offer support to suppress their identity and feelings through celibacy. Some operate online outside of Canada, making it nearly impossible to regulate, especially when the services are for consenting adults.

Experts say these groups and their programs expose troubling limits to conversion therapy bans in Canada and the United States, and that the conundrums they pose for freedom of religion and expression mean that greater emphasis needs to be put on education and public awareness to fill the gaps left by most laws.

Conversion therapy, also referred to as “reparative therapy,” amounts to torture, according to the UN and health experts. And the practice, now predominately conducted by religious leaders in informal settings, can lead to depression, PTSD, and suicide.

The movement for banning conversion therapy is making significant progress around the world since Brazil became the first country to prohibit it for psychologists in 1999 (the court ruling that initially banned it was overturned in 2017, however). Last summer, Germany passed a law banning conversion therapy for children, New Zealand vowed last year to ban it, and the Australian state of Victoria passed legislation last month that makes the practice a criminal offence with a possible 10-year jail sentence.

There’s legislation or bylaws prohibiting the practice in 20 states and more than 80 municipalities in the U.S. However, most of these prohibitions apply only to licensed therapists, focus exclusively on minors, and in many cases allow for religious exemptions. Such exceptions “undermine these important protections and leave LGBTQ2 children and adults vulnerable to abuse,” states an October report by the advocacy group No Conversion Canada.

Similar concerns have been raised about efforts to ban the practice in Canada, where the federal Liberal government’s proposed conversion therapy ban, Bill C-6, is making its way through Parliament. The law would criminalize conversion therapy for children under the age of 18 and for adults who are forced into it. If passed as is, Bill C-6 would also criminalize advertisements promoting conversion therapy or anyone receiving any profit or material benefit from providing conversion therapy. But, it would still allow consenting adults to access and participate in conversion therapy practices.

Some Canadian provinces and municipalities have implemented or are pursuing their own legislation or policies against it. Last month, Quebec unanimously passed its own provincial conversion therapy ban that goes even further than the federal government’s proposal by forbidding any and all conversion therapy, including for consenting adults. This makes it one of the toughest conversion therapy bans in the world. 

Under that new law, people practicing conversion therapy in the province could be slapped with a fine up to $50,000, and up to $150,000 for corporations. Quebec’s law is also unique as it would allow conversion therapy survivors to access compensation through civil lawsuits for any harms they experienced.

Still, many groups continue to legally operate even in places where there are restrictions, either through exceptions to the laws or by how they publicly define the nature of their work.

In addition to Ellel, the groups that practice or support what some experts say amounts to conversion therapy that VICE World News has identified would likely still be able to operate even after the federal ban came into place. This includes some American Christian groups that work with or offer services to Canadians through the phone or online.  

One example is Stephen Bennett Ministries, which purports to “minister to homosexual and transgender men and women who desire change, as well as minister to their parents, spouses, families, and loved ones.” The website does not mention services or ministry for youth under 18. Stephen Bennett, the ministry’s founder, initially responded to VICE World News saying he would consider commenting for this story, but then did not respond by deadline.  

Other similar groups includes California-based Living Stones Ministries, which “cites homosexual tendencies as one of many disorders that beset fallen humanity,” according to its website. “Christ offers a healing alternative to those with homosexual tendencies.”

“Living Stones Ministries upholds redemption for the homosexual person as the process whereby sin’s power is overcome, and the individual is free to know and experience true identity as discovered in Christ and His Church. That process entails the freedom to grow into heterosexuality,” the website continues.

Denise Shick, Living Stones’ executive director, told VICE World News in an email the ministry “supports many located in Canada through pastoral support (and) Zoom support groups.”

When asked if she had any concerns that conversion therapy bans in the U.S. and in Canada would affect groups like hers, Shick wrote, “I believe some may be dissuaded to reach out.” However, Shick denied her group practices conversion therapy and said it does not offer support to anyone under 18.

“We do not practice conversion therapy,” she said. “The ministry supports families with loved ones identifying as LGBTQ as they work through grief, and other feelings and situations they face. If a person decides to have therapy for their same-sex attraction, that should be their individual right.”

Religious groups and practitioners offering “chastity-based” or “celibacy-based” counselling and support for “unwanted same-sex attraction” (often referred to by the acronym SSA) continue to flourish across Canada and around the world, even in places where conversion therapy bans have been implemented.

Experts say these groups, many of which are run by the Catholic Church, can cause the same harms as forms of conversion therapy that are explicit in their efforts to turn someone from LGBTQ to straight, or from transgender to cisgender.

“It's simply a rebranded form of conversion therapy that’s rooted in internalized homophobia transphobia, denial, depression, and despair,” Kristopher Wells, the Canada Research Chair for the Public Understanding of Sexual and Gender Minority Youth, said in an interview. “At the root of all of this is that fundamental belief that ‘we may be legally required to welcome you into our schools, into our communities, but we’re never going to actually affirm you.’”

One of the most known and vocal groups for people struggling with “same-sex attraction” is Courage International, a Catholic church ministry founded in New York in 1980. The group’s founder, the late priest John Harvey, once called it “the best-kept secret” in the Catholic Church.  Courage now operates hundreds of chapters in 18 countries, including around 100 chapters in the U.S. alone and five in Canada, as well as online forums. The “same-sex attraction” section of the website for the Diocese of Hamilton, Ontario refers people to the Toronto chapter, saying that it is “working towards bringing the Courage Ministry” to Hamilton.

“Courage supports people with same-sex attraction on their spiritual journey in serving Christ through service to others, and through their forming and maintaining chaste friendships,” according to the group’s main website. Among the group’s five goals are “to foster a spirit of fellowship in which we may share with one another our thoughts and experiences, and so ensure that no one will have to face the problems of homosexuality alone.”

Some Courage groups use the framework of the 12 Steps of Alcoholics Anonymous “to focus their efforts, as individuals and as a group, to grow in self-understanding and holiness,” according to the website. “The authentic meeting point of spirituality and psychology with regard to same-sex attractions is in what might be called ‘chastity-based therapy.’”

This type of ministry differs from Ellel and other evangelical groups in that priests or leaders don’t attempt to “dispel” homosexual “demons” or change the person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. Rather, the focus is on supporting people to become completely celibate so that they can, according to their perspective, live in line with Catholic teachings on sexuality and gender norms.

Courage and other groups like it have been among the most outspoken opponents to conversion therapy bans, including Canada’s, which they say could hinder or prohibit the work they do.

“The bill (C-6) could even criminalize Catholic ministries and groups, religious leaders, or pastors who encourage individuals with same-sex attraction to live chastely and in conformity with the teachings of the Gospel, the moral principles of the Catholic Church, and the dictates of their own conscience,” the Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops wrote in a submission last November to the federal justice committee that studied the proposed ban. 

Courage, and other chastity-based groups, have openly condemned conversion therapy, much to the exasperation of people like Wells and other LGBTQ advocates who see this type of work as conversion therapy by another name. The group released a statement in 2018 refuting allegations that it endorses or provides conversion therapy.

One leader of a Courage group in Canada told VICE World News he fears the ministry has been conflated with conversion therapy and therefore he and other leaders and participants could possibly be targeted by Bill C-6 and face a jail sentence.

“Some people would say conversion therapy is anything that does not affirm the person in their sexual tendencies, preferences, whatever. And so if that’s the definition of conversion therapy, then I could very well be guilty of that,” said the Courage leader, who asked to remain anonymous over fears of facing potential criminal charges for his work and damage to his reputation. He said many people “struggling with same-sex attraction” will come to him seeking help for how to live a chastity-based life where they do not act on their “same-sex desires.” 

He said the support group is entirely voluntary, and that his group’s members, of which there are at least 10, view him as a “sort of accountability partner.”

“My business is to care for the people who come to me for care,” said the Courage leader. “And I’m aware of the political situation, but it doesn’t take away from the fact that people still want fellowship, friendships… They want to live a Catholic life in which they can be proud.” 

Despite these concerns, most, if not all, anti-conversion therapy legislation would still allow for these groups to operate for consenting adults over 18, particularly if the groups do not benefit from it financially.

Mark Guevarra has been involved with Catholic organizations across Canada. He used to be a pastoral associate at the Edmonton Archdiocese, which also offers a Courage group, until 2018 when he says he was fired for being gay and forming a prayer group for LGBTQ Catholics. (A spokesperson told VICE World News in an email the Archdiocese had no comment.) 

“The grey area for Catholicism is that Catholicism doesn’t want to change the person’s sexual orientation or gender. The church is actually OK with people being gay. In other Christian traditions, like some evangelical traditions... they don’t want you to be gay. Your orientation is central,” Gueverra said in an interview. “But in the Catholic tradition, I would say almost entirely across the board, it’s OK to be gay; it’s just the act that is sinful.”

While Courage frequently touts its success through testimonials and coverage in Catholic publications, its online forums paint a different picture with people posting about their mental health struggles and the anguish associated with repression.

“Just holding the knowledge that I’ll be celibate for the rest of my life and that SSA (same-sex attraction) is disordered seems to do something to me,” one participant who identified as a 20-year-old female wrote in the “Courage Young Adults” forum in September. 

“I would be unable to concentrate on my work, I’d feel isolated and depressed whenever I tried to spend time with friends, I felt dissociated from my body, and I would fantasize about dying and do reckless stuff… I do not want to die for this. I’ve tried this way for years and it has only gotten worse and worse.” Courage International did not respond to requests for comment from VICE World News.

Guevarra, formerly with the Edmonton Archdiocese, said he disagrees with Courage’s approach because a person’s gender can’t be separated from their sexual expression. He continues to run a group that affirms LGBTQ Catholics and encourages them to live out their identity fully. 

“I've met people who’ve gone through Courage and have been deeply traumatized by it, and that trauma can exhibit itself as self-hatred, or even whenever they might have sexual encounters (they) will have constant guilt or fear or shame associated with that,” he said. 

“When I hear the word ‘conversion,’ it’s changing behaviour and changing one’s being. So Courage addresses one aspect of that. I would say it is conversion therapy with respect to one’s behaviour, sexual behaviour,” Guevarra said. “That’s why I feel really strongly that something like Courage should be dissuaded, if not just be completely ended.”

Wells and other advocates have been pushing for Canada’s federal anti-conversion therapy legislation, and others around the world, to explicitly prohibit any and all conversion therapy, even when it comes to consenting adults.

“No one can consent to a practice that is inherently abusive,” Wells said, pointing to research regarding the potential psychological harms of practices that repress a person’s sexual orientation or gender identity. 

“Young adults, those between 18 and 30 in particular, are vulnerable and frequent targets of conversion therapy. And they may have no choice but to participate because of the pressure from their families, or their faith or community environments where, in some cases, they’re afraid to be cast out of their homes,” Wells said.

For Sam Brinton, the chief advocacy officer at The Trevor Project based in Washington D.C., which supports conversion therapy legislation globally, freedom of religion and freedom of expression pose hurdles for complete bans on conversion therapy practices.

For that reason, education and awareness is crucial, said Brinton, and should be part of any attempts to ban conversion therapy. “I am not advocating for legal ramifications for consenting adults. However, I am supportive of education opportunities to warn people of the harm,” Brinton said. 

Brinton said governments should also promote and improve access to “affirmative” mental health care so people might be less inclined to access potentially harmful support groups, most of which are easily available and free.

“Access to affirmative mental health care would remove the need or necessity groups who are creating a false dichotomy of wholeness and happiness versus being LGBTQ,” Brinton said. 

“It is about making sure that people have access to things that help them and less access to things that hurt them. When I can’t limit access to something that hurts them because of a law or a process, I should instead create more opportunities for them to be supported.”

The first Ellel session Sarah attended was called “The Truth About Sex and Sexuality,” held at a church in Calgary. A handout from that session, provided by Sarah to VICE World News, includes the heading “What is sexual sin?” Answers include “sex with forbidden relatives,” “oral,” “telephone sex,” “homosexuality & lesbianism,” and “transvestism and trans-sexuality.” The handout also lists “possible causes of homosexuality” and “lesbianism” as “generational sin leading to demonic rights,” “gender confusion,” and “homosexual experimentation at school.”

Sarah said she confessed her cross-dressing and “deep-seated feelings of being female” to one of the councillors who then prayed over her “about demons and how they were probably an influence.” Sarah said she was told her “case” was especially serious and that she needed more prayer and should attend Ellel’s weekend retreat. Believing this would solve everything, she signed up and went a few weeks later.

Sarah described that weekend as exhausting and emotionally draining. She says she was assigned two older men as counsellors who were with her most of the time. 

“It was intimidating because here I am, a trans girl, faced with two older cis dudes, having to confess what I was ashamed of: being trans, being a cross-dresser, masturbation, dreams of being female, fantasies of sex with men,” said Sarah. “You feel very exposed and ashamed. You have to repent and ask God for forgiveness.”

By the end of that weekend, Sarah was convinced she was cured, and she purged her closet of all the women’s clothes and accessories. “I did feel like I might be free of my burden,” she said. “You get excited with false belief and hope.” 

Sarah’s participation in Ellel escalated to the Alberta chapter’s two-week healing course—“just to be sure I was free”—where she met the woman who would become her wife, then ex-wife, and eventually a five-month stint at Ellel’s “residential training programme” in Surrey, England that cost several thousand pounds. 

Like the other workshops, councillors would help participants try to overcome whatever they were dealing with, she said. This could be anything from unresolved trauma, grief, or just a desire to be closer to God. In her case, it was being trans and “sexually deviant.” 

“Sometimes people are staring you directly in the eyes while demanding demons to leave,” Sarah said of the counsellors’ tactics. She said she recalls one of the leaders saying that being trans is “the highest form of rebellion against God.”

In the end, none of it worked, and Sarah said her self-worth was shattered; she tried to end her own life. She spent years feeling trapped in her marriage, until, with the help of a psychologist who affirmed her as a trans woman, she came out to her wife and family. She ended up getting divorced, and said she hasn’t been fully accepted by the rest of her family, but at least she’s finally comfortable with who she is. 

“If I had not gone through this, with that ministry, then the course of my life would have been probably different. I would have saved myself a huge heartache. That’s why I think I’m a survivor,” said Sarah, who has since found a new church that’s accepting of her and other LGBTQ parishioners.

“Now I believe that God created me this way, so who am I to stand against it, to intervene in it?”

Follow Rachel Browne on Twitter.