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Tanning salon guy: Yeah. Obviously we sterilize them.OK, well do you vet your customers at all?
What do you mean?You know, what if they're not totally, medically ready to use the tanning bed?
Well, they have to fill in a card beforehand that has loads of questions on it. It asks if they suffer from heart conditions, dizziness, epilepsy, and it goes on and on. If they say yes to any of them, then they can't use the machine unless they have a note from their doctor.Sure, yeah, but I mean, what if they had something else, like a more skin-based issue, you know…
What, cold sores? We wouldn't let them use it if they had a cold sore.OK, I'm sort of beating around the bush here. If I've got herpes, can I use one of your tanning beds?
What? No. Have you got herpes?No, I don't have herpes, I'm just wondering if you can catch herpes from using a tanning bed—have you never heard that rumor?
What? No, I haven't—that's total fucking bollocks.But what if someone who had herpes used one of your beds—wouldn't the warm UV rays be the perfect environment for cultivating an STI?
If you've got herpes, you can't use one of our beds.I haven't got herpes, and I don't want to use your one of your beds.
Why are you asking then?Because it's a rumor I read on the internet, and I wanted to find out if it was true.
Well, it isn't. I've worked in this salon for ten years, and I've never heard such crap. Reputable tanning salons are very clean places that are sterilized between customers. It is literally impossible to getting herpes, that's absolute horseshit.So nobody has ever complained about getting herpes from your tanning beds?
No.So there we have it. Despite what "science" says, the chances of actually contracting an STI in a tanning salon are basically zero. Perhaps unsurprisingly, it seems that in the real world, tanning salons are kept pretty clean, and if you waltz in wearing a pair of lime-green speedos with pustules littering your speckled crotch, you're unlikely to be too welcome.I guess there is a small chance that if you went to the dodgiest salon, the one you always drive past on the way before the edge of your town joins the highway, the one called "Sunny Daze" that offers 30 minutes for five bucks, the one run by the guy who looks like a member of Status Quo, the one that always has a dumpster outside it—and someone had just popped in before you and was literally riddled with herpes, there's still the tiniest chance you could catch something. But still, you know, a way smaller chance than the chance of catching herpes from having sex with literally anyone.Follow Angus Harrison on Twitter.