Camryn soon upgraded to Morrowind, the third game in the action role-playing series Elder Scrolls, which back in 2002 operated at the cutting edge of customization. Gamers who shared Camryn's penchant for virtual pedophilic role-play crafted and circulated special "mods," unofficial additions to the game, on underground forums. These mods animated non-playable characters on the periphery of the adventure with insatiable lust for Camryn's avatar. Virtual children, some as young as three, would behave as proxies for his inclinations. In the next Elder Scrolls game, Oblivion, Camryn installed a more interactive mod: Before removing a child's cloaks and peasant garb, the player had to go through the motions of wooing her. In other scenarios, Camryn could win a child bride in a contest.I see myself and any child lover like me who wants to touch a child [and] then goes home and acts out in a safe, virtual environment, [as] a healthy person with a grasp on their attraction.
Camryn and Artichokes, like many pedophiles interviewed, have become deeply immersed the Elder Scrolls mod culture, where they can engage sexually with pixelated fantasy children, legally and in secret. For many, it feels like the only sexual channel that doesn't risk incarceration or social alienation. Driven underground and left literally to their own devices, pedophiles are leaning heavily on these erotically charged videogames, virtual worlds, and the communities surrounding them. These online venues, they attest, mitigate their desire to pursue their fantasies in real life.We need to make sure options to express true fantasies (i.e. thoughts that do not involve real children at any level) remain available.
Dr. Michael Seto, the director of Forensic Rehabilitation Research in the Integrated Forensic Program of the Royal Ottawa Health Care Group and a leading expert on pedophilia, says pedophilia can be viewed as a sexual orientation along the axis of age rather than gender. Most pedophiles develop sexual interest in children around puberty, the same age at which most teens first start to experience feelings of physical attraction. Pedophiles interviewed described how, as they progressed through their teens and early 20s, they noticed that the girls or boys they liked stayed about the same age. Many were horrified.According to recent research, the forces behind pedophilic desire may be triggered even before birth. But environmental factors—such as the cultural glorification of hairless, lithe female bodies—can exacerbate an attraction to children. It's very common that pedophiles were themselves victims of childhood sexual trauma; nearly all pedophiles interviewed said they had experienced abuse as children.There's no evidence to suggest that people can change their pedophilia.
The stigma against pedophilia often directly affects the availability of resources; in Texas, for example, the government will pay for a pedophile's physical, but not chemical, castration.A lot of therapists are concerned that any risk is way too much risk [when counseling pedophiles].
"I get why people are angry about pedophilia," Dr. Seto explained, "because it's tied to child sexual abuse and child pornography, but it's a real obstacle in terms of dealing with this problem. So they're starting to self-organize. A lot of the time, it's an individual struggle: Who the hell are they gonna talk to? How many individuals are going to admit this to their family, to their close friends?" He noted that the conflation of pedophilia with child molestation, while intuitive, is technically inaccurate. As a result, pedophiles are typically driven underground and left unchecked.When opportunities for support are few, far between, and risky, the burden of self-governance is often left to the pedophile themselves. As a result, thousands turn to less formal resources to manage their desires: forum-based self-help groups, dark web chatrooms, and above-ground IRCs. Here, they discuss symptoms—loneliness, depression—or share resources, like legal images of girls described as "jailbait." In thousands-strong collectives like Virtuous Pedophiles, like-minded pedophiles beseech each other to "remain law-abiding and lead happy, productive lives." An online community of mutual support has formed for pedophiles, which Luke Malone documented with immense grace in his landmark This American Life piece on a 16-year-old non-offending pedophile. For some, this is enough.They're starting to self-organize. A lot of the time, it's an individual struggle: Who the hell are they gonna talk to?
In one of the many related reports, a German news station aired a clip to illustrate the kind of indiscretions going down right under Linden Lab's nose: a scene that involved a young girl naked and on top of an older bald man in his bedroom. A toy merry-go-round spun nearby. For added pathos, the news station filmed Peter Vogt, a senior public prosecutor in Halle who handled cases of child pornography, watching the clip. Horrified, he told the reporter, "It really makes no difference if this is a fictitious or a real event, when the objective elements of child abuse are given."Ethically speaking, many would agree. Financially, there was no doubt: A reputation as a hub for furry sex and pedophilia isn't exactly a tech company's ticket to the big bucks. In response, Linden Lab cracked down on "age-play," sexual role-play between a child avatar and an adult avatar, generally both operated by IRL adults. Lucas*, a former Second Life age-player, understood Linden Lab's decision—they have to preserve their reputation to stay afloat as a business—but still considered it an infringement on his "free speech." "If consenting adults are involved," he told me, "I see no difference between this and dressing up in Boy Scout uniforms with your adult significant other."Other Second Life residents felt that a plague of depravity had been lifted from their community. When I asked around in-world, Second Life users consistently told me that they were disgusted by age-players and child avatars. Fearful of any association with it, no non-age-player I spoke with agreed to talk on the record about pedophilia in Second Life.It really makes no difference if this is a fictitious or a real event, when the objective elements of child abuse are given.
"The thing that really matters is how antisocial that pedophilic person is," he told me. "People vary on that. We have everything from people who are really antisocial, engage in a lot of criminal or harmful behavior—they might physically abuse children as well as sexually abuse them—and we have people who are quite prosocial—they have empathy, low in risk-taking, are stably employed, don't use alcohol or drugs. People on the prosocial end are less likely to offend against children. The thing that distinguishes [prosocial pedophiles] from pedophilic offenders is that they don't want to have sex with children. They see it as a negative behavior, and they want to be law-abiding."The thing that distinguishes [prosocial pedophiles] from pedophilic offenders is that they don't want to have sex with children.
Despite sources' assurances that online pedophilic behavior remains distinct from real-life urges, and can even help stomp them out, digitally entertaining these urges can be dicey. Jenny Coleman, director of Stop It Now!, an organization dedicated to preventing the sexual abuse of children, is skeptical that the gains could outweigh the risks. Concerned about the impact of creating a digital environment where children are portrayed sexually, Coleman told me, "Even in a virtual reality world, it's a dangerous activity that puts children in a sexual position. For many folks, it makes it more difficult to resist temptation."Even in a virtual reality world, it's a dangerous activity that puts children in a sexual position.
Camryn is not currently employed, but he picks up temp jobs when he can. He no longer babysits because "nobody would trust an adult my age." He says that he was fired from his last gig after coworkers insulted him about his weight and affinity for cartoons. He is currently on Supplemental Security Income. "Honestly," he said, "I think it was gender favoritism."When Camryn found Second Life, he was thrilled by the idea of acting out his fantasies, digitally but with real people. Sexually, he insisted, it mitigated his attraction to real-life children. Whenever a carnal urge surfaces in his consciousness, he immediately turns to the virtual world. He'll hook up with another avatar in a house, a club, or a rented room in a hotel.Lucas, a former Second Life resident and pedophile, told me that, in addition to acting as an outlet for his desires, the virtual world was an attention sink: He became addicted. After work, Lucas would immediately rush to a computer and log into his avatar body. In both M-rated clubs and the more G-rated zones, he would while away five hours on the weekdays and ten on the weekends, chatting with virtual boys. (Lucas identifies as a hebephile, or someone sexually attracted to boys on the verge of puberty.)Second Life was eating away at his primary one, he said, "and stopping the possibility that anything in my real life would get better." Staying his hand was one thing, but forging positive bonds with people outside of a sexual, or pedophilic, context was another. In an effort to better himself and find solidarity, Lucas joined Virtuous Pedophiles, which offers advice on how to find non-judgmental therapists, confide in friends, forge romantic relationships between adults, and stamp out suicidal thoughts."The #1 goal of VP for pedophiles is to not abuse children. The #2 goal is to be as happy and have as good a life as possible," Ethan Edwards, a co-founder of Virtuous Pedophiles, told me. "People who do care about other people… most often offend when they feel desperate, alone, and as if they have nothing to lose. Involvement with a community like VP should help with all those things—especially the 'alone' part."Coleman agreed, adding that the number one strategy for prevention is working with a professional who specializes in adults who are attracted to children. "I think not being in isolation is key," she said. Avoiding sexual triggers and increasing support and education are the time-tested methods to prevent contact-offending. Sitting alone at home, clicking on bodies of virtual children, is not high up on her list of effective treatment measures.Camryn and I wrapped up our interview on the drifting raft in Second Life. Before we parted ways, he asked if I knew of any other games or virtual worlds where he could, as he said, "safely be myself." Camryn said he has lost friends and estranged himself from family members because of his attraction to children. This virtual environment is one of the only places he feels secure.Outside of these digital worlds, Camryn is struggling. With unstable finances, few personal connections and no professional clinical resources, virtual spaces now form the boundaries of where a major part of his identity can exist. As time passes, he is driven deeper and deeper underground, separated further from society at large.I was turning to leave when out of the sky fell a bloated black figure. It was a horse from the neck up, but its torso was that of a comically-exaggerated inflatable sex toy. Thick dark hair covered her pregnant stomach. She landed on top of a wooden crate and stood, observing us. For a second, no one said anything. Then I asked her to leave. I told her we were having a private conversation, but actually, her avatar was making me uncomfortable."I understand," she replied. She turned and slowly walked into the ocean, sinking closer to the bottom with each step."Well, that was disturbing," Camryn said.Whenever a carnal urge surfaces in his consciousness, he immediately turns to the virtual world.
* Names have been changed