I Tried an Ejaculating Dildo and Learned a Lot More Than I Expected

So when I received an email about POPDildo, a dildo that "ejaculates," I was confused. Although some men think we lOvE it—once a man texted me unsolicited footage of himself ejaculating, as if I'd find that irresistible—ejaculation is arguably the worst part about letting penises in you. Pregnancy anxiety, stains, UTIs, 3 PM leakage—why would you want to recreate that?

As so few things are in the world of sex toys, it's actually quite beautiful. The POPDildo, which markets itself to "LGBT, FTM / trans, disabled, erectile dysfunction, and serodiscordant communities," squirts out a "semen-like" lube liquid made with purified water and plant cellulose. When I asked Stephanie Berman—the founder and president of Berman Innovations, who dreamt up the POPDildo—why the product had even occurred to her, I realized I had been reflexively heteronormative: It can help couples conceive. Berman, along with many other POPDildo devotees who can't conceive the traditional way, filled the product with sperm from a sperm bank.

"My wife and I had been trying to conceive at home, using turkey basters and needle-less syringes, and were feeling very discouraged," Berman said. "I started researching other options for home insemination, and when I came up empty, the wheels started turning in my head. Heterosexual couples are able to have sex whenever and wherever they want when trying to conceive; why shouldn't same-sex couples be able to do the same thing, in the same way?" She added that cis men with erectile dysfunction or physical disabilities have responded positively to the product as well.

But what about the people who aren't trying to conceive? Why not use a regular dildo that won't squirt all up in you? I mentioned the POPDildo to a queer woman in a relationship with a woman, and she seemed intrigued. "I feel like, yeah, I would be into trying it, but I don't think it would be a thing we'd do regularly," she said. "But it could be interesting in the right scenario or fantasy."

Sadie Synn, a trans woman and professional dominatrix, noted that the product could make a dramatic climax possible when it might not be otherwise. "There's this fantasy of being the object of someone's orgasm, a fantasy of affirmation," she said. "I think we are more vulnerable when we are having sex or exploring kink, and often the need for affirmation in who we are as people and being attractive to our partners is critical."

"Before transitioning, I had women say that they liked the feeling of a man ejaculating," she added. "But knowing what I know now, it could have been whatever they could think of for me to be done quicker."

Watch: Is It Worth Your Time and Money to Freeze Your Eggs?

Because I am a journalist, I had to try the product myself. Per my normal masturbation ritual, I tidied up my room and put on Music from the OC Mix 3: Have a Very Merry Chrismukkah. Then I went about assembling the soft, veined dildo. Gripping it and tossing it back and forth between my hands, I could feel that the material—medical-grade silicone—was high quality. I threaded the plastic tube through the shaft, attaching a bulb near the base where I could pump out my chosen liquid. (I filled it up with weed lube leftover from this story so no matter what happened, I would get high.)

I started masturbating as I normally would, fooling around with a vibrator. (This time, the spectacular Power Play Rabbit, which is a bit dick-like itself.) Then I switched to a small, clitoral-only vibrator, holding it one hand and maneuvering the POPDildo inside myself with the other. The pairing of penetration and clitoral stimulation felt nice, but when I removed the vibrator, the in-and-out of the dildo felt … fine, but not exciting. When I remembered that I had to test the jizz function, I felt super daunted, and then unaroused, and then lost in the melody of "Merry Xmas Everybody" by Rooney. It was like trying to pat your head and rub your stomach at the same time. Before long I found myself worrying about Rooney—are they all OK? Did they survive a post OC-world? (Trick question: None of us are really "surviving" a post- OC world.)

I pulled out. I pressed down on the bulb that attached to the dick tube, squirting the weed lube onto my abdomen. So yeah, the experience was life-like. After a few minutes of mentally mapping out everything that had to happen to get me to this point, I used the pool of lube on my abdomen to masturbate, sans dildo. It all worked out fine.