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Seeds of Love: When Risking Pregnancy Is Your Biggest Turn-On

Jun 1 2016 3:00 PM
Seeds of Love: When Risking Pregnancy Is Your Biggest Turn-On

Illustration by Aparna Sarkar

For those with breeding and pregnancy risk fetishes, the chance of impregnation is the ultimate kink.

"I have always had what I would refer to as a 'cum fetish,'" says Anise, a bisexual 22-year-old New Yorker. "I've always loved swallowing, risky play, and creampies as long as I have been sexually active. In the vanilla world I was always—for lack of a better term—passionate about starting my own family. I didn't actually realize that I had a breeding fetish until someone in the [kink] community put it into words."

Those who have breeding fetishes get off on the chance of pregnancy. It's rarer than enjoying being called a slut in bed or light restraints, but it's certainly out there. "It's not something that comes through my office frequently, or directly necessarily, but working in sexology and sex therapy, everything at some point circles through," says sex therapist Dr. Chris Donaghue, author of Sex Outside the Lines. "The reason why people get aroused by risk and pregnancy is that our brain registers arousal and anxiety often as the same thing," he explains.

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A breeding fetish is different than a pregnancy fetish, in which one is attracted to pregnant women. In fact, the counterpart to a breeding fetish is a "pregnancy risk" fetish—in which one gets off on the risk of pregnancy because they don't want it, but finds the risk associated with having unprotected sex arousing. "The breeding fetish is trying to get someone pregnant. The pregnancy risk fetish is the opposite—not trying to get someone pregnant, but having sex on the edge of it. Playing with the risk. Getting her pregnant is not a win; it's losing the game," says Joe*, a 34-year-old heterosexual male from Baden-Württemberg, Germany. "I think the best would be when [a woman] has a breeding fetish and [a man] has a pregnancy risk fetish. Perfect couple."

Joe says he discovered his pregnancy risk fetish after sex with his ex-girlfriend, whom he believes was trying to trap him into pregnancy. The complicated emotional cocktail of what she was trying to pull lead to the best sex of his life—a dragon of an experience he's since been chasing. Attempting to recreate an intense sexual experience by way of kink is not unusual, says Dr. Donaghue. "Why this [risk] versus getting hit by a car? It somehow occurred, and the anxiety was linked with arousal, and that strengthened their interest in that behavior. Our brain and our arousal is very associative," explains Dr. Donaghue.

To be crude, since the common thread through breeding and pregnancy fetishes is generous amounts of cum, pregnancies aside, it's a risky fetish to have due to the potentially of transmitting STIs. For Joe, the risk is exactly what he gets off on; he enjoys his kink predominantly with strangers. "Having unprotected sex on a casual date or one-night stand gives me the kick of many unknown factors about the other person. I don't know if she's on birth control. If she's okay with having unprotected sex, I blindly assume she is doing the right thing. But maybe she's trying to get pregnant from a stranger? Unlikely, but possible. That's the risk I enjoy."

Anise, conversely, prefers to have more certainty that her partners are STI-free, explaining that since her fantasy is rooted in a chance of pregnancy rather than the fear of it, an STI would hinder the cause. "I get tested quarterly, and always request that partners tell me whether or not they have been tested. Certain STIs affect a woman's ability to conceive in the future, and that is clearly the opponent of breeding," she explains. "I used to only allow creampies with monogamous partners, but within the last seven months I have also allowed them in one-on-one play with casual partners, poly partners, and even some one-night stands."

I think the best would be when [a woman] has a breeding fetish and [a man] has a pregnancy risk fetish. Perfect couple.

With both the breeding and pregnancy risk fetishes, there may be power exchange and BDSM elements at play. "The important part for me is to be passive. If a girl has sex with me, she needs to push the right buttons. She needs to tell me that she wants sex without a condom. She need to tell me that she wants to feel me raw," explains Joe. Anise is uncertain of the basis of her kink. "I have previously thought that it was the realization of the power and indication of ownership established by the act, but I am still unsure," she says.

Because fluid-bonding is particularly risky, the humans engaging in it need to actually communicate with one another. "Since this fetish involves unprotected sex (or the idea of it), sexual partners should exercise extra caution in insuring and discussing sexual health," advises kink-friendly sex therapist Alyssa Siegel, who also reminds that, in general, if you have a kink, it's better to let it out of the closet and share your interest with your partner(s).

"Because so many people fear rejection or ridicule around their fetishes, they are often afraid to share them. But this lack of communication and authenticity can cause serious problems later down the line in relationships," says Siegel. "It's particularly important that because of the potentially long-term nature of this fetish that your partner is on board with planning for pregnancy or indulging in talk around it."

Interestingly, Anise is currently on birth control. While the dark corners of the internet are riddled with breeding fetish posts from both individuals and couples interested in an actual pregnancy, for Anise—and many others with a breeding fetish—the pregnancy aspect is simply a role-playing fantasy. "Currently, when I role-play breeding, I do so while using birth control in the form of an IUD. In the past I have engaged in breeding fantasy with absolutely no protection, I have never been pregnant as a result of this or at all," says Anise.

When breeding fetishes aren't simply role-play, they can take on some fairly extreme forms—the most extreme of which are known as "breeding parties." In breeding parties, several men will all have sex with one woman in hopes of impregnating her. While PornHub would have you believe these happen often, individuals spoken to for this article lamented that a real breeding party is difficult to come by.

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For those actively looking to get pregnant from breeding, as with a traditional sperm donor, appearance and personality requirements come into play. "Right now, if I were to look for a donor it would be someone similar to me in complexion, who is 5'11" or taller, with comparable intelligence, who is employed well enough to assist in the support of a child. If I were in a better position financially, I would still require all of aforementioned qualities with the exception of concern for their financial stability," says Anise.

The harsh reality of this kink is fairly obvious: When the thought of pregnancy is integral to your fetish, there is the consideration of what to do should that actual pregnancy occur. Despite her use of of an IUD, Anise takes the risk rather seriously. "I personally do not believe that abortion is an option for me, and I make all of my partners aware of that before we play raw," she says. "I don't think its fair (and this is just my personal opinion) to get pregnant purely to terminate; it takes a toll on your body and causes undue emotional trauma to some people. The options I give my partners are adoption or co-parenting. When I am more financially stable, I am more than willing to be a single mother."

Within breeding fetish online communities, there is split between whether the male would be a part of the theoretical child's life. "It depends on how the pregnancy happened," says Joe. "If she tricked me into pregnancy, I would refuse to pay child support. I would only support by providing medical records."

What Joe would do in the event of a kink-related pregnancy is between him, the mother, and his god. But, as with all sex acts, the experts stress that it's importance to maintain a level of compassionate consideration and respect that goes beyond STI screenings. "It's not just a human dildo. It's not just an anonymous person that's willing to engage in a kink with you," says Dr. Donaghue. "Know that you're impacting them."

* Names have been changed

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