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The Actual Story Behind 'For Sale: Baby Shoes, Never Worn'

Ernest Hemingway left a few key details out, so we added them back in.
Photo by Laura Stolfi via Stocksy

For sale: baby shoes, never worn. My sweet, living daughter is more of a sandals girl.

For sale: baby shoes, never worn. False alarm, whew! My partner and I remain happily childless, actively sexual, and absolutely not in need of these tiny shoes we stress-bought in a dollar store.

For sale: baby shoes, never worn. (eBay mistake, trying to order Bebe shoes.)

For sale: baby shoes, never worn. My mother-in-law gave them to us as a passive aggressive Christmas gift but we're just excited that someone who needs them can now buy some high quality baby shoes at a discounted price.

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For sale: baby shoes, never worn. Our child was born with a fish tail and is the first known example of an actual, living merbaby.

For sale: baby shoes, never worn. (eBay mistake, trying to order baba ganoush.)

For sale: baby shoes, never worn. Thought I might get into dolls for a bit, then decided I couldn't commit to finding and acquiring the services of a skilled exorcist in the event of a Child's Play/ Annabelle situation.

For sale: baby shoes, never worn. We get all our child's stuff at CostCo and these came in a vat of twelve.

For sale: baby shoes, never worn. (eBay mistake, trying to order Belgian gueuze. That's on me.)

For sale: baby shoes, never worn.*

For sale: baby shoes, never worn. Bought them as a birthday gift but it turned out our friend was referring to a recent cat adoption when she told us she'd "finally become a mother." Classic Karen!

For sale: baby shoes, never worn. We won a raffle and were like "okay."

For sale: baby shoes, never worn. My kid was just not that into these but maybe your child will love them! Being a parent is fun and my life is untouched by tragedy.

For sale: baby shoes, never worn. I don't know, I just really hoped they would fit.

*lightly worn during gentle indoor play