The Broadly Guide to Sexting

Whether he's a sub or a dom will establish your whole sexting relationship.

Trim it.

There's nothing sexy about a happy trail covered in jizz, so always request a video of him coming. It's always better to see a moving image of cream launching out of his wiener.

Send 15-second videos of you fucking glass dildos.

Don't use ellipses. Men are dumb. Complicated grammar confuses them.

Don't send pictures of you fingering yourself if you fucking bite your nails like an animal and you have ripped up cuticles. No one wants to see your little nubs. Have a decent manicure or keep your hands out of it, please.

Guys don't want to be called fat, but they want you to think they have fat dicks. Always say, "You have a nice, big, fat dick. I want to suck it!"

A selfie of your asshole.

Get creative.

When taking a pic, remember, he will jack off to what you sent him.

Film it.

Fact: Lips are sexier than big boobs or a well-trimmed pussy, so tell him, "I wanna feel your lips all over my body!".

All guys want to fuck their moms, so tell him to call you mommy.

Never tell a guy you want to nibble on his dick. That's scary.

Tell him he made you scream.

Unless he's submissive, don't say, "Show me your little penis!" Dudes are simple, so keep it simple. Just say, "Show me your dick." Be nice to the dick. Act like you want his weiner inside you.

They're better at sex than straight people, so when you're sexting try to embody a homosexual.

When sexting a conservative, say, "I love saving money! I'm so fiscally responsible! It makes me so wet!" Then send him a pic of your clit.

Be a slut when you're sexting otherwise it's boring! You be sluttier than you are in real life.

They are important.

Why are they important? Because when you're sick with a UTI, you can hide your downstairs and show him your tits.

Showing the inside of your vag is VERY important though. The pussy looks more attractive that way. You can take a vagina shot in a multitude of ways: You can either get in front of the mirror and take a pic of your pussy or you can use a front-facing camera and open yourself up to your iPhone. A guy can't see the inside of your hoo-hah unless you hold it open with one hand.

Always tell the guy you're wet even if you're not.

Play it.

Almost always say yes. There's a difference between sexting someone you will fuck and someone you will never meet, though, so if you're in a situation where you're 100 percent going to hook up, don't say, "Oh, yes, fuck my ass!" if you don't want his dick up your butt.

Don't get his dick or balls caught in a zipper. Be careful.