Totally Normal Questions to Ask Your Ex this Valentine's Day

So how'd you get into "DJ curation"?

What's your dad doing with his facial hair these days?

Has your new partner described me as "intimidating" yet?

Can I see the folder you keep my old nudes in?

Is your roommate's dog still alive?

Can I have my DVDs back?

Is my mom still emailing you?

Do you understand what you did, though? Like, really understand and get why it was bad?

Is that girl in your Instagrams your cousin, or…?

Can you promise to never tell anyone about the thing I said on mushrooms?

Do you still carry that small purse?

Are you seeing anybody?

…Did you pierce your ear?

Just one ear? With a little Harrison Ford hoop earring?

When did you get that, Jason?

Why?

God, can you ever really know anybody?

Were we even in love? Is love a real thing? Is true love possible in New York in 2016? Does it matter, given that, really, we all die alone and ultimately you can never truly love anyone but yourself, and if you think about it, there's not really such thing as a self? Is the only intimacy you can count on in this life the sweet embrace of the grave?

How's your band?