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Nigeria's Instagram Agony Aunt Wants to Solve All Your Relationship Problems

Cheating boyfriend or husband? Sexted someone and lived to regret it? FatIboLady, a.k.a. Ziya'atulhaqq Usman Tahir, is here to help.
Photo courtesy of Ziya'atulhaqq Usman Tahir

Nigeria's most popular Instagram agony aunt, a.k.a. Ziya'atulhaqq Usman Tahir, has more than 57,000 followers and Oprah-level ambitions. Since summer last year, Tahir has been fielding questions on @FatIboLady from hundreds of lovelorn followers—she's even been profiled by BBC Radio as Nigeria's answer to Ask Polly, albeit one whose advice includes, "Gold digging is better than stinginess" and "I don't encourage cheating, but I think y'all need backup plans and backup of backup plan." Oh, and she's a big fan of emojis.

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Things first began for Tahir last year when she was contacted by one woman asking for guidance with a relationship problem. The woman did not initially agree with Tahir's advice, and so she posted the problem anonymously on her Instagram account to see if any of her followers could help. The response was staggering and since then things have escalated quickly with hundreds of people coming forward to both offer advice and share their own personal problems.

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Tahir posts the messages she receives and then encourages her followers—whom she refers to as 'jurors'—to help solve them. Questions range from sexual issues to those regarding domestic abuse, and millions of response have been posted so far. For many of those living in Nigeria's Muslim-majority north, the account offers an anonymous way discuss things that they might never speak about in everyday life.

We caught up with Ziya to see how she was getting on and her future plans for FatIbolady.

Broadly: Let's get started with the basics—how old are you?
I'm 27 years old.

Where do you live?
I live in the northern part of Nigeria, a state called Bauchi State.

Do you have a husband and family?
No I'm not married, but I will be in a few months.

Congratulations! And what do you do?
Thank you! I run a catering service.

Can you tell me how you got started with your Instagram account?
Well, I love writing about love and relationships. So some months ago a young lady, one of my followers, sent me a message on Instagram telling me her problem with her boyfriend. I advised her and she was like, "This can't be true, he loves me, how can you say he doesn't love me." So I asked her if it was OK with her for me to post it on my page so my followers could advise her. Back then I had 16,000 followers. And the response we got was overwhelming and a lot of people agreed with what I told her. I already had 16,000 followers when she sent it. I now have 57,000 followers.

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Oh wow. How did you first get 16,000 followers?
By posting write-ups on relationships. I write them in both English and my native language Hausa and people love it.

What are the most common questions you get?
My husband doesn't sleep with me; my husband is cheating on me; my boyfriend of five years just broke up with me. My husband is abusing me.

With the women who talk about abuse, what do you advise? Do you contact the police about the problems you receive?
I have lawyers as my jurors, so when I get cases of domestic violence I refer them to the lawyers. Right now two cases are in court.

What is the most difficult problem you've had to deal with?
I think for me the most difficult problem was the incest case. A sister that was sleeping with her brother. She wanted to stop but he didn't. I didn't know how to advise them because that is an abomination.

Did you get advice from a lot of other people about that specific problem? Apart from lawyers, who else do you have advising you?
Yes that story got 357 comments. I have psychologists, journalists, lecturers, housewives and people with the knowledge of the Quran and Hadith.

In the end what advice did you give the woman?
I didn't advise her, honestly. All I said was tell your parents…

How many emails do you get every day and how many are you able to answer?
I get 20, 30 emails a day. We answer about eight to 10 a day.

Do you get more questions from men or women, or is it about equal?
More from women. Out of 100 emails maybe 10 will be from men.

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What questions do you get from men?
My wife nags a lot; my wife spends too much; my wife can't cook. Or my girlfriend is cheating on me, I want to leave my girlfriend, how will I do it.

Do you make any money from the project?
I post the stories for free, but I do post adverts on my page. People that have an online business, I post their products for a price.

Have you had any negative feedback from people about what we're doing?
Yes I have but you know what, the positive feedback outweigh the negative. I have more than a hundred emails and DMs from people telling me what an amazing job I am doing. My father's friends are proud of me. People send me gifts, my friends are glad I am their friend. People like you want to interview me. I know in my heart I am doing the right thing.

Do you think there's a stigma for Muslim women in Nigeria which means they sometimes find it hard to discuss these kind of problems?
Yes, Muslim women or should I say women in the north [of Nigeria] are being stigmatized. People think a woman shouldn't say it when her marriage is shaky. They believe whatever happens between a husband and wife should stay between a husband and wife. And to an extent they are right.

It is what the Quran said. But the only thing the Quran prohibits a woman from saying about her marital life is how she sleeps with her husband. There's no verse in the Quran or the Hadith that says don't seek help when your husband doesn't sleep with you. Or don't seek help when your husband is beating you. In fact Islam is strongly against domestic violence. Islam frowns on not feeding your wife.

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Do people from countries other than Nigeria contact you too?
Yes, people from Ghana, USA, and Niger Republic have contacted me. Especially from Ghana and Niger Republic. I've only had one person from the US contact me.

Why do you think the project has become so popular so quickly?
Because people have been suffering in silence. Women have been suffering in silence.

Why did you choose Instagram as the platform?
I didn't choose Instagram. Instagram chose me. LOL.

Good answer. So what are your plans for the future?
I hope someday soon I will have a beautiful blog and a TV show or a radio show.

Like Oprah.
Yes, like Oprah.