Why Cum Leaks from Your Vagina After Sex

"Drippygate," as Dan Savage came to call it, started when a man called the Lovecast because he and his wife were grossed out by how his semen dripped out her vagina on the post-coital walk to the bathroom. "I'm not sure what the source of the problem is," said the man. "Is it that her Kegel muscles are too weak and she needs to tighten those up? Or is this something that every woman has to deal with, and I just don't remember prior to marriage because I was either drunk, self-absorbed, whatever?"

Leaving aside, for the moment, the question of whether this man is still self-absorbed, let's figure this out. How common is it for semen to immediately drip out of the vagina?

"Fluid naturally leaks out of the vaginal canal, and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that," says sex and relationship therapist Vanessa Martin. "The vaginal canal is quite small, but it is an orifice. Fluids are going to drip out of it, regardless of your level of Kegel fitness."

"Heterosexual sex is disgusting," said Savage in his original response. "We don't have this problem with butts." Well, yes, that's because butts are designed to keep stuff in. They're the last barrier between a long, winding digestional road and the outside world. The anus stays clenched shut until it's called upon to relax. Conversely, the vagina is made for stuff like sex and birth and, if you're from Florida, transporting weed. Things are supposed to move pretty freely in and out. And in and out and in and out. The vagina is like the canals in Venice: Gondoliers should be able to comfortably travel through. The anus is more like the majestic Hoover Dam.

Just because you can put a dick in two things doesn't mean they'll receive semen in the same way. Why is this not common knowledge? Pornography is probably to blame. Porn has an odd relationship with coming. For years, most jizzing took place on rather than in anyone, presumably because it was the only way to "prove" visually that a climax was reached. In a post-AIDS world, coming in someone took on a new transgressive flavor. The internal cumshot became a staple of porn, known as a "creampie," because the jizz leaks out and makes the pussy look like a Pillsbury Toaster Strudel, and nothing gets men more aroused than the B-rate pastries, amirite fellas???

One wonders where exactly this man expected the semen to go. Does he want his wife to keep it inside her vagina forever, like his own personal Svalbard Global Seed Vault? Or does he simply not want to think about his jizz? As one listener put it, "Dude, it's your ejaculate! Why are you blaming her and searching for reasons why her vagina is flawed, and then calling it disgusting? It came out of you! What is wrong with you?"

There might actually be something wrong with him, both spiritually and physically. Semen is going to drip, of that much we can be certain. How fast it drips, however, is an interaction between the vagina and the semen. The viscosity of semen varies; the more watery the jizz, the faster it will leak. Coconut water jizz can be a symptom of an overactive prostate, so this dude might want to see a doctor.

Columbia University's Go Ask Alice recommends wearing a panty shield if you're sick of the walk to the bathroom feeling like a Double Dare Physical Challenge. Or you can just chill out, and accept the human body for what it is: messy. Sex is gooshy if you're doing it right. Revel in that, and you'll be fine.