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Fuck who you were. New Year's Eve is all about who you're going to become. This year, I'm going to be the Best Me Ever, and all it takes is commitment and dedication to the following simple, easy-to-follow resolutions. #NewYearNewMe, y'all! Below are the steps I'll be taking to become the me I've always been, inside.- I will not let negativity get me down. This year I will pay no attention to the largely ignored resolutions of 2015.- In 2016 I promise to FINALLY pick a side and figure out which exclusive Kardashian apps I really need in my life and which I can delete forever. It's called personal growth.- I'm ready to conquer my fears and head into the next 365 days as my truest self: when people ask how I feel, I will answer honestly, 100% of the time, with "tired."- As I grow and change, I accept that some things won't, which is why I'm giving baby bangs yet another shot in 2016.- Living fearlessly is a major goal for 2016. This year, instead of stopping to make small talk, I will bravely and decisively run away from mid-level acquaintances I see on the street.- I promise to stop subtweeting. In 2016 I will only tweet insults with people's full names, contact info, and a photo for context.- Nutrition is everything, so I'm making this the year I pay someone to send me hourly texts asking how many of my meals that day have been chips and suggesting exciting, non-chip alternatives.- Inconveniently I also resolve to embrace the wonder all around us by trying a new kind of chip every day.- I will not spend this year in hiding: I know all the words to Justin Bieber's latest album and in 2016 my neighbours will know the truth.- No more excuses: in 2016 I will tell my friend Barbara that she is over-pronouncing the word "bruschetta."- I resolve to use the appropriate hashtag at friends' weddings, instead of the current #DivorceRate of the State we are in.- Two words: Unapologetic Capes.- This year I won't just go to the gym. I'll talk about going to the gym. A lot. Everyone will know when I've been to the gym, when I'm about to go to the gym, and when I'm thinking about going to the gym later that week.- I will spend this year dancing like a few people are watching, but they're really loving it, one of them told me at the bar that everyone thought it was so cool.- Life is short. This year I will Instagram more pictures of food.
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