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Our conscious lives are but meaningless vehicles for genetic perpetuation, which is why Justin Bieber's father tweeted about how proud he was of the-YouTube-sensation-turned-beguiling-celebrity's penis. Following yesterday's publication of pretty verifiable naked photos of Bieber Junior—the pop star was nude on his balcony—Bieber Senior (Jeremy) sought to comment in the only way modern humans know how: an @-reply. "what do you feed that thing," wrote the father of the son. "#proud daddy."The invasion of privacy involved in the ruthless quest for seeing celebrities naked without their consent is not something towards which we should strive in our society. However, this response seems funny—and classically dad-like—to me. Jeremy Bieber is perhaps very shrewdly diverting interest from his son's embarrassment with a less-embarrassing kind of embarrassment! Or he's doing some calculated PR! Regardless, I asked some guys how they would feel if their dads commented on their genitalia using social media.
First: How would you feel if unauthorized naked pictures of you were being circulated on Twitter?
Brett: In my case, as an entertainer I have a few acts in which I get naked. So nudity in pubic I don't have a problem with; if photos of any of those acts made it onto the internet, I wouldn't have much of a problem with it. I don't really need to worry about that, though; I'm not famous. If someone was spying on me, took photos of me naked on my balcony, and then sold them, and they were everywhere… Yes, I'd have a problem with it.What about if your dad commented on them?
If my dad commented on them, I don't think I'd mind. It would give me a laugh, I suppose. After all, a dick is a dick.Did your dad give you "the talk"?
Yes. A very awkward, unnecessary talk, [when I was] maybe 12 or 13. It was during a long car ride.How would you feel if someone took unauthorized nude photos of you and circulated them online?
Clint: Probably like a sad boy and recognized for the wrong reasons.How would you feel if your dad commented on your genitalia in a public forum? Would you be embarrassed?
Oh man, I would probably go through a crisis. Not so much embarrassed that my dad commented on my penis specifically (still embarrassed, though), but more tripped out by the fact that we live in a time when fathers can publicly discuss their sons' dicks in a sub-space specifically dedicated to their sons' dicks in a network of strangers who also want to discuss the sons' dicks.How likely is he to do this, do you think?
My dad probably wouldn't.Do you think there's an imbalance in the way the public has reacted to celebrity women's naked pictures online versus the way it's reacted to Bieber's?
Oh, definitely. When it's a celebrity woman's picture, it tends to be a much more important matter to the public. It strikes a chord for some people in regards to what should be acceptable for women and what shouldn't in general. When it's a man's picture, the only thing discussed is the one picture specifically, with no regard to men in general. A lot of people use women's naked pictures as a medium to maintain the conservative status quo.Did your dad give you "the talk"?
Not that I can remember.How would you feel if someone took nude photos of you and circulated them online?
Huw: Given that I have the body of an Olympian god (one of the athletic ones), I wouldn't give a fuck…. Only kidding! It's a violation of your privacy and human rights, and I think people who do this sort of thing should go to court!How would you feel if your dad commented on your genitalia in a public forum? Would you be embarrassed?
Depends what he said. If he said, "Jesus, my lad's got a big cock, eh?" I'd tell him to stop perpetuating phalocentric, patriarchal myths about the male body.When was the last time your dad saw your penis, approximately?
Not sure.Did your dad give you "the talk"?
No. My mum tried to have that conversation with me when I was 12. We were watching a drama on TV about train robbers, and there was a lesbian sex scene, and she asked me if I understood what I was happening, and I was like, "Yeah," because it was the 90s and even children understood what sex was. I think she was disappointed.
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Brett, 26
Brett: In my case, as an entertainer I have a few acts in which I get naked. So nudity in pubic I don't have a problem with; if photos of any of those acts made it onto the internet, I wouldn't have much of a problem with it. I don't really need to worry about that, though; I'm not famous. If someone was spying on me, took photos of me naked on my balcony, and then sold them, and they were everywhere… Yes, I'd have a problem with it.What about if your dad commented on them?
If my dad commented on them, I don't think I'd mind. It would give me a laugh, I suppose. After all, a dick is a dick.Did your dad give you "the talk"?
Yes. A very awkward, unnecessary talk, [when I was] maybe 12 or 13. It was during a long car ride.
It's a violation of your privacy and human rights, and I think people who do this sort of thing should go to court!
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Clint, 22
Clint: Probably like a sad boy and recognized for the wrong reasons.How would you feel if your dad commented on your genitalia in a public forum? Would you be embarrassed?
Oh man, I would probably go through a crisis. Not so much embarrassed that my dad commented on my penis specifically (still embarrassed, though), but more tripped out by the fact that we live in a time when fathers can publicly discuss their sons' dicks in a sub-space specifically dedicated to their sons' dicks in a network of strangers who also want to discuss the sons' dicks.How likely is he to do this, do you think?
My dad probably wouldn't.Do you think there's an imbalance in the way the public has reacted to celebrity women's naked pictures online versus the way it's reacted to Bieber's?
Oh, definitely. When it's a celebrity woman's picture, it tends to be a much more important matter to the public. It strikes a chord for some people in regards to what should be acceptable for women and what shouldn't in general. When it's a man's picture, the only thing discussed is the one picture specifically, with no regard to men in general. A lot of people use women's naked pictures as a medium to maintain the conservative status quo.Did your dad give you "the talk"?
Not that I can remember.
Huw, 30
Huw: Given that I have the body of an Olympian god (one of the athletic ones), I wouldn't give a fuck…. Only kidding! It's a violation of your privacy and human rights, and I think people who do this sort of thing should go to court!How would you feel if your dad commented on your genitalia in a public forum? Would you be embarrassed?
Depends what he said. If he said, "Jesus, my lad's got a big cock, eh?" I'd tell him to stop perpetuating phalocentric, patriarchal myths about the male body.When was the last time your dad saw your penis, approximately?
Not sure.Did your dad give you "the talk"?
No. My mum tried to have that conversation with me when I was 12. We were watching a drama on TV about train robbers, and there was a lesbian sex scene, and she asked me if I understood what I was happening, and I was like, "Yeah," because it was the 90s and even children understood what sex was. I think she was disappointed.