Great British Bake-Off/Netflix
Here's a soothing thought I think to myself sometimes: Skeptics' "brain in a vat" theory is true, and what I believe to be a fully realized self walking around in the world, enduring various stresses and discontents, is actually just a disembodied brain which, as the theory goes, someone has immersed in a container of life-sustaining fluid and used to simulate my experience of being a "person."The only piece of media I consume that comes close to reproducing the caliber of calm I feel at entertaining this theory is The Great British Bake Off, a baking competition show that takes place in a big white tent in the English countryside.Very few bad things happen inside the tent. Once, someone threw their Baked Alaska in the bin. Another time, someone used salt instead of sugar. Sometimes people don't finish their bakes in time, or they stress cry, and sometimes it's too hot in the tent to properly set chocolate. But mostly the tent is a place where amateur bakers do their best, help each other when things go wrong, and try to win "Star Baker" so they can call home and make their families proud.
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Except, with the introduction of a new judge, Prue Leith, something truly terrible has infiltrated the tent: the concept of "calories."Leith, who replaced judge Mary Berry on the show after it moved to Channel 4 last year, has insisted on making her catchphrase "it has to be worth the calories." I have to think Leith believes this aphorism is not only inspiring for contestants but also self-evident, as she always seems to deliver it with a cheerful matter-of-factness that belies its perniciousness.In the season most recently added to Netflix, Leith makes the comment in the very first episode. It's biscuits week, and the contestants have been instructed to present "regionally specific" biscuits for their signature bake. Imelda McCarron, a woman from Northern Ireland, makes white-chocolate and cherry oatmeal biscuits with whole-meal flour, which judge Paul Hollywood remarks will "keep you regular." Ok.Later, when Hollywood and Leith are judging everyone's bakes, they quite like McCarron's biscuits. "Very oat-y," Leith says. "Feels healthy!" Hollywood adds, at which point Leith squeezes Hollywood's arm sympathetically and reports: "No, they're not." And then, tapping the baking bench reassuringly, she tells McCarron: "But it is worth the calories."I hate it. "Calories" don't belong in the world of the Great British Bake-Off and the reason should be clear: The point of the show is for contestants to make the most delicious thing they can, even if it requires five sticks of butter, or packing half a dozen different meats into a meat pie. Talk of calories brings with it ideas about body image, dieting, weight loss, and soon enough, without warning, all of the anxieties of the real world have come rushing in—the very thing we hope to blot out by watching the show.
Also, just to draw attention to the obvious, Leith is being paid to taste the contestants' creations. It doesn't have to be "worth" the calories for her; it just has to be "worth" the six-figure salary.So please, Leith: Let us have just this one thing. Let us eat the damn cake!